How authentic are you? How can you stay true to yourself?
In this times people seem to want to copy others life’s as they seem in social pages, but not everything we see is real all the time. What makes you be you? What is the one thing that brings happiness to your soul? No matter how small it may seem, stay true to that and do it some more. The one thing that makes me feel authentic is writing and caring about nature and philosophical things more then materials, is who I’ve always been even though sometimes society and the need to stay at the same rhythm pulls me away. I e always been an old soul and I don’t think that will never change I realize now what is more important.
As my twin pregnancy advanced I began to believe that I wasn’t beautiful any longer, at least temporarily and that I was not worth the time to do my hair, I was not worth the time to do pretty makeup and that I could handle not being pretty for a few months. I am 24 weeks pregnant and I came to the realization that I am still beautiful, I am still worth it and that we create into reality what comes to us in thought first, it is actually a universal law. So if I believe I am not worth it and I do not look good then that is what I will begin to appear not only to myself but that is the image I can give to others. Taking care of myself states the love I have for me, the self believe and sense of worth. I am worth taking the time to do my hair and taking the time to look pretty. Being pregnant is just a natural state and does not need to make me feel less attractive. I took the time today to do my hair and makeup and to smile constantly and look at my husband in the eyes with a little flirt, it made him smile.
I It has been a log time since I posted on my blog. I love to write is just that I don’t ever get the time for myself that I need and deserve. I was thinking about it and it came to me “It’s never going to be the right time, there will never be time if I don’t make it” So here I am, amongst chaos of screaming boys in the background, a back ache and a feeling of being uncomfortable with my big tummy pregnant with twins, but I am doing what seems natural to me, what always has. I am sitting down writing down my feelings. I wonder how many other women give up what they love because life is taken over? Your children, husband, career, life style etc. Life is busy but we must remember who we are and what makes us happy plus honesty the chaos around our lives is what makes it beautiful. Not to loose a sense of who we are or let the things we love to do completely go away is what we must remember in the middle of it all. I have been writing every once in a while in a notebook or other places but blogging is what really calls my name. I won’t let this go away again.
I am in the middle of chaos, in the middle of screaming children, the dogs barking and the noise of the world, then I open my laptop, put my headphones on, listen to classical music and begin typing….. Then I let go…. I let my hands take over, closing my eyes at moments to imagine I am in a different place, a quiet place in a forest at dawn, where I can’t just hear the wind brushing against the trees, I am alone, I hear an owl and close my eyes again, then I open them and I am here typing this. Sometimes I feel I need a brief escape, a brief escape from this loud world, this fast moving loud world. I feel that now days is harder and harder for an introvert to escape, I feel like that is cutting our wings. The daily routine of life, work and family does not leave me any room for myself, to recharge which in order for me to be a healthy individual I need more then water. Can one survive without water? No! Neither can I survive without recharging. I am more aware of my needs now more than ever, Maybe this is why people fall into depression, because they don’t discover their needs to be a healthy individual, sometimes they don’t realize this, and that is sad. I make a promise to take better care of my mental health, of my wellbeing in order to be a happy me.
It is about 11:30 pm at night and I can’t sleep. I have my dad in my mind. All I can think of is the memories I have of him. Where to begin? I will create a diary of the memories I have of dad. A diary that will help me remember him and keep him alive in my mind. One of the things that I remember is when I was little and I was living with my grandmother in that big house. It was a big house indeed, it had six bedrooms four living rooms, a dancing floor with a bar a tv room and a library. As I was walking about the house and I heard the loud riiiiiiiing of the doorbell, I used to sprint to get the door. Had to rush down the two sets of stairs and through the dining room, kitchen and bar to get to the door. My heart beating really fast as I ran to get it because I knew it was my daddy, my beloved daddy who I wanted to see ore than anything else. See? I had already checked out his blue Chevy from the balcony. My dad and his precious sky blue Malibu. Oh his blue Malibu it had sky blue leather inside. The Malibu smelled so good, I can smell it right now. I rode so many times in it. My dad and his blue Malibu. When I opened the front door and jumped into his arms, it was the best feeling in the world! My hero, my father my everything, and then he said My princess, your finally in my arms. I believed it, I believed I was a princess, back in those days I was a princess.
The baby was my brother, my sweet little brother.